Rating: 1.0
So I was thinking it would be a lot of fun to see a terrible mainstream film in theaters, and got myself really hyped up to see just how absurd Lakeview Terrace actually could be, and I certainly was not disappointed. Rather than point out just how bad the film really was I think it will be more fun to use Paul Scheer of Human Giant's "By the numbers" approach. Most of these numbers are fabricated rough estimates.
Likable protagonists: 0
Profound racial commentary: 0
Shaq references: 1
Intense rake vs. electric saw scenes: 1
Tension induced vomiting: 1
Kills: 2
Acts of violence against women: 3
Scenes with white people listening to rap music: 5
Samuel L. Jackson's stern glares: 17
Unnecessarily annoying and over dramatic music cues: 22
Times I told myself this might be the worst film I've ever seen: 32
Metacritic Score: 45
Minutes Patrick Wilson spends shirtless: at least 55
Minutes of My life wasted: 110
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