Sunday, September 21, 2008

Lakeview Terrace (Neil LaBute, 2008)

Lakeview Terrace (Neil LaBute, 2008)
Rating: 1.0

So I was thinking it would be a lot of fun to see a terrible mainstream film in theaters, and got myself really hyped up to see just how absurd Lakeview Terrace actually could be, and I certainly was not disappointed. Rather than point out just how bad the film really was I think it will be more fun to use Paul Scheer of Human Giant's "By the numbers" approach. Most of these numbers are fabricated rough estimates.

Likable protagonists: 0

Profound racial commentary: 0

Shaq references: 1

Intense rake vs. electric saw scenes: 1

Tension induced vomiting: 1

Kills: 2

Acts of violence against women: 3

Scenes with white people listening to rap music: 5

Samuel L. Jackson's stern glares: 17

Unnecessarily annoying and over dramatic music cues: 22

Times I told myself this might be the worst film I've ever seen: 32

Metacritic Score: 45

Minutes Patrick Wilson spends shirtless: at least 55

Minutes of My life wasted: 110

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